In my short life i've been called many things. I've been called weird, odd, unique, different, and the list goes one. Yet I have come to realize that I am not . . . special. Many people I know have some ability or something that makes them special. I mean I am not the type of person who usually blends into a crowd but at the same time im not the one you always notice or stands out either. I know that many people would debate what I am saying/typing. Most would say i'm good at the arts or good with children. Well that doesn't help too much when it comes to a career choice that i'd be able to stick with and be sucessful in. Most people I know would also tell me to STFU and be a designer or something of the sort. If only people knew me better. Thats another problem I have. I seem to be a very open person yet there is SO much in my life people don't know. If I wrote down simple questions that people I know SHOULD be able to answer many people I know would fail horribly. I don't have one person whos been close to me long enough to know everything about me because I don't keep close friends very well. They either betray me in very sad and horrible ways, I came along just a little to late, or they move away. Maybe one day i'll find a really good friend who doesn't move away, already have a best friend, or betray me. Maybe one day i'll find out whats special about me and I can let it shine and take me places. Maybe one day I won't be so scared to be the real me thats been hiding in the shadows for so long. Maybe one day I won't torture myself with my thoughts that I am forced to keep to myself. I keep looking for answers and everytime I come up empty handed. My life is so complicated for no reason at all. At times I wish I was "normal", but then at others times I wish I was stranger. I always feel stuck in the middle about everything in my life. Many times I hide behind things and people never really notice. I'll admit some people have come close to the truth but no. I've had to become quite an actress in dealing with my everyday life. I am quite the slick person when necessary. Yet I am getting tired of acting and putting on a show for the world. I know that many people who read this will be perplexed and confused by what I am saying while others will begin to finally see. That was kind of my whole point. . . .Basically
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